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24/10/18

I'm writing poetry from real experiences and now every time I think of a scenario I can't place myself in that girl's shoes because they always end up being mine and then the background turns into a memory and everything is so familiar. Oh God I hate it .  [ 9:05 pm ] -AJ
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e a t i n g m y s e l f u p

I'm always pessimistic around you. Everytime I talk to you, I say something self demeaning because you make me feel like I deserve to be inferior. I feel I'm being selfish when I think of you because you're out there conquering so many things and I'm sitting here, a pathetic waste of space. I don't deserve what I get and I wish I could give it all to you. But every time I realise I cannot , I blame myself a little more . [ 0 7 1 3 ] -AJ
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b e a c h

Sitting in a beach , always something I've wanted to do and something about it is just so .. I don't know calming? But I'm doing it now and it feels quite good , it feels pretty great. Sitting on the sand , a bag and a pair of flip-flops next to me. Beach sand. Finer than the finest sugar you can get and its just so SoFt like if someone gave it to you and you had a blind fold on you wouldn't think it was sand. But one thing that I don't like about it is that IT STICKS and when it does it'll take forever to get it off of your skin. Mix it in with some salt water and it's the same as having a deadly rash that won't stop itching. Anyways, forgetting about my useless complaints regarding the beach, it's serene , peaceful, calm and what my mind needs, a space to think. The beach reminds me of good , happy things like spring and buttercups and dandelions and the warm glow of the sun on the waves is pretty nice. [There's a dog RIGHT  behind me and
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| empty |

we are all empty souls trying to fill that void  deep inside our chests
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| What if |

What if I don't want to come out of this dark hole? A hole that I've buried myself in What if I don't want to go out there and live a " life"? What if I want to live in my brain With the demons who have become my solemates? What if - -AJ
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| Falling for Him |

She fell for his eyes She fell for his lips She fell for the thought of being his. Being in his arms  Laying by his side.. She fell for his story She fell for a soul she thought she knew She fell for him.. She fell..                                 -AJ
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| Where do you live? |

''Where do you live?'' In the unending void of my thoughts. ''  How does it feel?'' I don't know the word for something that sucks your soul out and leaves as though you're an empty casket. I live in my own  h e l l                                              -AJ
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